Belief
by Risa1
Summary: Cole is losing grip on his own sanity and decides to go to the one person who can give him strength...


Belief

By Risa

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from Charmed – won't be suffering through my exams if I did. The song lyrics below are from Sheryl Crow's "I Shall Believe". 

Author's Note: I had the idea for this story while I was watching "Counteragent" (Alias) where they were playing the song "I Shall Believe" by Sheryl Crow. I hope you'll enjoy this little piece!

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            "Hold on a sec!" Phoebe shouted as she placed her cup of coffee on the table and ran to the door. She opened the door and stood rooted to the ground, staring.

            Cole.

            He looked haggard and tired. His clothes were crumpled and his face unshaven. Phoebe looked at him in worry and concern, forgetting all that had happened between them. She knew instinctively that he was in trouble and, for a moment, she couldn't suppress the natural desire she had to help him. 

            But only for a moment. The look of concern soon turned to one of irritation. All she wanted was for him to be _completely out of her life. She didn't want to bother about his problems anymore. She didn't want to have __anything to do with him. "Cole, I've told you. Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it." She began to close the door._

            "Phoebe, wait." Something in his voice made her stop and she opened the door slightly wider. "I need your help," he said, the desperation and hopelessness evident in his voice. "I think I'm losing my mind." He looked so tortured, so haunted that Phoebe couldn't bring herself to turn him away. He looked like a dying man grasping desperately to the last glimmer of hope. _You can't be that cruel, she thought to herself._

            "Come in," she said quietly. 

            Cole followed her into the kitchen. "Coffee?" she asked politely, trying to hide the discomfort that she felt. 

            "No," Cole said, just as politely. Just then Cole realised just how _distant they had become. When they weren't yelling at each other, they acted like strangers. And yet they had once been so close…_

            Cole knew that he was the last person that Phoebe wanted to see. But he couldn't take it anymore. The tension, the conflict, the inner dilemmas that he was feeling was tearing him apart. He felt as if he was being sucked into a whirlpool and there was nothing he could do about it. He desperately needed someone to pull him to safety and the only one he could think of was Phoebe. When he was in the Wasteland, the only thing that had kept him going was the thought of Phoebe. Now, he needed her to keep him sane. 

            There was an uncomfortable silence in the room. There was so much that they wanted to say but they just didn't know how. Finally, Phoebe said tentatively, "So what's wrong?"

            Cole sighed. "I just feel as if everything is just spiralling out of control. There are just so many voices inside my head, all of them wanting to go in different directions. One part of me wants to do good, to show you that I _can be good. Then there are times when there are voices telling me to destroy, to kill, to become evil and they can be so seductive, so tempting and so compelling…_

            "Then these two Avatars came, promising power, promising an end to this war that's been raging in my mind for so long. It was so tempting but there was just something about them that didn't feel right. I feel overstretched, as if I'm being pulled apart in all directions. And the pain, the confusion… it's making me lose control. I'm going mad. I can feel my grip on my sanity slip more and more each day and I'm frightened. I'm scared as hell."

            Underneath his words was a plea for help and reassurance. That for one night, just one night, he could hear her say that she believed in him, believed that he could be strong enough to overcome all this. Part of his confusion and despair had been because of her rejection. When he left the Wasteland, he wanted to make things right, he wanted things to go back to the way they were. But every time he tried, she just pushed him away, rejecting him, rejecting everything that they had together. The thought of her and their love had been his source of strength and as that eroded away; Cole could feel the foundations under his very being collapse. 

            Listening to Cole, Phoebe felt a pang of pain in her heart at the kind of mental turmoil that he was be going through. She had never known, never _imagined that he could be feeling this way. She hadn't been able to understand why he wanted to commit suicide before. Now she knew. And all this time she had been so harsh, so accusatory. She had isolated all that she felt for him in a tiny part of heart, divorcing it from the rest of her. Now, she felt all the love and concern that she once felt for him burst through the restraints that __she had placed, overcoming her. _

            "Cole," she said, putting her hand on his, squeezing it gently, "you _can get through this. You're strong, you always have been. You've gone through so much before, don't give in now."_

            The faintest glimmer of hope began to appear in his eyes.

            "I don't know if we could ever go back to the way we once were," Phoebe admitted, "but I'll always be there if you need me." Despite all that she had said, all she had done to get him out of her life, she couldn't remove the concern she had for him. She didn't think that she ever would. She hadn't realised that until now. "I'll do everything I can to help."

            A small, grateful smile appeared on Cole's face. He knew he still had a long, dark road before him. But Phoebe's words were like a balm, soothing him. No matter what happened to them in the future, for tonight at least there was some peace and comfort.         

_Come to me now_

_And lay your hands over me_

_Even if it's a lie_

_Say it will be alright_

_And I shall believe_

_I'm broken in two_

_And I know you're on to me_

_That I only come home_

_When I'm so all alone_

_But I do believe_

_That not everything is gonna be the way_

_You think it ought to be_

_It seems like every time I try to make it right_

_It all comes down on me_

_Please say honestly you won't give up on me_

_And I shall believe_

_And I shall believe_

_Open the door_

_And show me your face tonight_

_I know it's true_

_No one heals me like you_

_And you hold the key_

_Never again_

_would__ I turn away from you_

_I'm so heavy tonight_

_But your love is alright_

_And I do believe_

_That not everything is gonna be the way_

_You think it ought to be_

_It seems like every time I try to make it right_

_It all comes down on me_

_Please say honestly_

_You won't give up on me_

_And I shall believe_

_I shall believe    _

*~ Finis ~*


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